It is over a year since I last wrote in this blog. It has been a year of "ups" and "downs" like I would never have imagined. I was busy concentrating on maintaining my "inner peace" when the carpet was pulled out from under my feet and I had to face issues I had never encountered before. My "perfect balance" which I place great value on not only disappeared but the pendulum swung so far in the other direction that I felt drained both emotionally and physically and had no idea how I was going to cope. Normally when something like this happens I dig deep and manage to find inner resources to pick myself up. This time not only were there issues at work but my husband and I had to deal with the issues of our teenage daughter trying to assert her independence, learning to drive, feeling invincible and what every parent dreads to hear : their kid has been involved in a car crash. Fortunately nobody was injured and all are alive to tell the tale. This did however lead to us questioning ourselves: Have we been too lenient with allowing her to use the car? Should we have been stricter? Have we let go too much too soon? Have we not let go enough? and so on and so on.

Teenagers unfortunately do not come with "how to handle me manual" We kept telling ourselves through all this that we were doing what we thought was best for our child at the time, however the niggling doubt was always there.

No sooner had we weathered this storm and almost found balance and inner peace again, when our beloved pet,Nibbles, (yes the same dog that encountered the cow while walking on a mountain close to home and had to have neurosurgery 2 years ago) beautiful boxer, our companion and friend became ill. Initially it was a vague illness lost some weight, looked tired and depressed some days other days he would be okay. The vet diagnosed pancreatitis and to cut a long story short after a few weeks of suffering we had to make the most difficult decision that I felt we have ever had to make and that was to help our beautiful furbaby make the transition to his other life.

I am still raw inside and cannot adequately describe what we experienced. My husband and I were with him throughout we held him and cradled him in our arms all the time thanking him for the wonderful 11 years he had given us. I then felt him let go of me. Sadly I knew it was time for me to let go of him.

I cried for days after that. I felt a sadness deep inside that I thought was never going to heal. However with the help of family and friends and collegues, I am now able to smile when I think of Nibbles. I still feel sad and cry but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

RIP my baby and thank you for being a wonderful companion and teaching us so many things amongst which is unconditional love. Miss you lots.