Long Distance Coach

The season of letting go

2010-09-21T18:48:00.004+12:00

It is over a year since I last wrote in this blog. It has been a year of "ups" and "downs" like I would never have imagined. I was busy concentrating on maintaining my "inner peace" when the carpet was pulled out from under my feet and I had to face issues I had never encountered before. My "perfect balance" which I place great value on not only disappeared but the pendulum swung so far in the other direction that I felt drained both emotionally and physically and had no idea how I was going to cope. Normally when something like this happens I dig deep and manage to find inner resources to pick myself up. This time not only were there issues at work but my husband and I had to deal with the issues of our teenage daughter trying to assert her independence, learning to drive, feeling invincible and what every parent dreads to hear : their kid has been involved in a car crash. Fortunately nobody was injured and all are alive to tell the tale. This did however lead to us questioning ourselves: Have we been too lenient with allowing her to use the car? Should we have been stricter? Have we let go too much too soon? Have we not let go enough? and so on and so on.

Teenagers unfortunately do not come with "how to handle me manual" We kept telling ourselves through all this that we were doing what we thought was best for our child at the time, however the niggling doubt was always there.

No sooner had we weathered this storm and almost found balance and inner peace again, when our beloved pet,Nibbles, (yes the same dog that encountered the cow while walking on a mountain close to home and had to have neurosurgery 2 years ago) beautiful boxer, our companion and friend became ill. Initially it was a vague illness lost some weight, looked tired and depressed some days other days he would be okay. The vet diagnosed pancreatitis and to cut a long story short after a few weeks of suffering we had to make the most difficult decision that I felt we have ever had to make and that was to help our beautiful furbaby make the transition to his other life.

I am still raw inside and cannot adequately describe what we experienced. My husband and I were with him throughout we held him and cradled him in our arms all the time thanking him for the wonderful 11 years he had given us. I then felt him let go of me. Sadly I knew it was time for me to let go of him.

I cried for days after that. I felt a sadness deep inside that I thought was never going to heal. However with the help of family and friends and collegues, I am now able to smile when I think of Nibbles. I still feel sad and cry but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

RIP my baby and thank you for being a wonderful companion and teaching us so many things amongst which is unconditional love. Miss you lots.

GRADUATION !!!

2009-06-03T18:11:00.002+12:00

Yesterday, I graduated with the title CPC from ICA! This is the end of what has been an amazing journey of growth and self discovery, I learnt so much about myself and others that I cannot imagine what my life would be now had I not undergone my journey.

I acknowledge every one who has been part of my journey, clients, fellow students, coaches, trainers and admin staff at ICA. Without you this would not have been possible!

The end of this journey is the start of another one,throughout my course I explored what most felt right for me to do with my life coaching skills, and, now I think I have a fairly good idea.

I have created my ideal life in this process, I have discarded, tweaked, added, reframed pespectives and whatever else I felt was appropriate in order to create the inner peace that I so longed for, and to be honest I feel that I have achieved this about 80-90% of the time, so I am pretty content with that.

Where to from here?? I am marketing myself as a coach for health professionals and their families, my mission and purpose in life is to work with these people (like my former self) and help them to see the "light" as I have. I would like to show them that a career in medicine does not necessarily mean stress, long working hours and no balance.

It is possible to have your cake and eat it!!!

Where to from here??

2009-05-25T18:27:00.004+12:00

Supervised coach is now sadly over. I so enjoyed the 6 weeks. The support of the group was just great and of course as I mentioned earlier Jamee was wonderful!!

I am now a certified professional coach!! wow! it has taken me long enough, however I have learnt and grown so much in the last 2 and a half years that I have forgotten what I was about prior to coaching.

The question now : What do I do with this new title ? I need to do some serious work in planning my future, but, in the meantime I am enjoying just "being" , enjoying my family and home and to celebrate I am off to Sydney for the weekend!! part shopping and part course, I have registered for the PCSI (PERSONAL COACHING STYLE INVENTORY)which will be on Saturday and the rest will be shopping with Stephanie (my teenage daughter). When I get back then I have graduation with ICA to look forward to!

Are you in the habit of celebrating all your achievements? How do you celebrate?

All set for June graduation

2009-05-07T16:30:00.003+12:00

A lot has happened since my last post. I registered for supervised coach and suddenly things started happening. I finished all my other written assignments, and handed them in, 9 in all!! I was delighted to get 88% for my research project! I suppose I could have done better with be project, but hey, if I had waited till it was perfect I would still be waiting.

SC started in the first week of April and it is almost over. I was quite anxious at the beginning, the nagging doubt "am I good enough?" and, "where am I going to find clients?" formed the bulk of my internal chatter. I have now coached 4 times and have been a client twice, and all I can say is that it is an amazing experience.
Jamee Tenzer our facilitator, has provided a huge safe space for us to practise our coaching and her feedback after the sessions is awesome. What I appreciate most about Jamee not only does she acknowledge all the good things she notices, she is quite direct in telling us what not to do! This gives the learning experience a great boost, it has pushed me to the point where I have taken risks and experimented knowing that if it was not good I would be told. Does this make sense?

WHOO HOO!!

2009-03-19T20:34:00.002+13:00

I eventually plucked up courage and pressed the send button on my computer and submitted my written exam, my power tool, my self assessment and my client feedback forms to ICA for assessment and much to my surprise I got 97% for my written exam!!Well I am delighted!! NOW FOR SUPERVISED COACHING, I havent got any clients to join me for SC but I trust that they will come along at the right time like everything else that has happened in my life.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!!

2009-03-13T21:31:00.003+13:00

I have eventually plucked up the courage to register for supervised coach in April and am at the moment going through all the other assessments and checking them before submitting them to ICA.

I kept procrastinating with all sorts of excuses, I need more practice....etc...My power tool is not perfect yet, my model not good enough, I still need to read and reread my research project.....etc. Eventually I just faced my demons and had to admit to myself that if I carried on like this I would never get to the point of perfection, When would everything be perfect to hand in? and, how would I know when it is all perfect? I looked at my past behaviour and noticed some similarities: I have never ever felt perfectly prepared for any major exam I have done and yet I passed them all. So I took the plunge and decided to "Feel the fear and do it anyway" !

I even registered for June graduation, now that is a real vote of confidence in myself!!

the past five months

2009-02-05T20:59:00.003+13:00

It is once again 5 months or so since I last wrote. Nibbles is doing well and is once again a happy and trusting dog. He has put the past behind him and is living perfectly in the present, lots of walks,lots of attention anf good meals. If only humans could learn from dogs our lives would be less complicated and more enjoyable.

I, on the other hand am not doing so well. I had to stop running about 2 months ago due to an injury to my right leg and since then it has been trips to the physio, icepacks, lots of stretching. I have been irritable and unhappy not being able to exercise and certainly miss the post run good feelings. I am starting to make a come back now, even though quite slowly.

The other emotion I have had to deal with, and which I am still finding quite difficult is the slow release of parental control of my daughter. Let me explain,
Stephanie is 16 years old, and she has just in the last month obtained a drivers licence which allows her to drive unaccompanied. What I really struggle to come to terms with is that my "baby" is out there on her own in a car. Even though she does all the right things, asks permission to go out, keeps in contact constantly and lets us know exactly where she is and comes home at the right time, I still find it hard to relinquish control and stop worrying. One part of me says "trust the universe and let go" while the other wants to cling on, keep her safe at home.
Anyone out there willing to coach me on this issue?

On another note, I have decided no more procrastinating with ICA and this is the year I shall graduate. I am slowly coming to the end of the paperwork which I will need to submit, then register for Supervised Coach so hopefully by Sep at the latest I will graduate. I have not rushed through the course, I have enjoyed the journey, have learnt lots about myself and others and have had plenty of opportunity for reflection.

2008-09-15T20:18:00.002+12:00

An update on Nibbles. Yes!! His tail is wagging once again, and even though he is still stumbling when he walks he is enjoying his walks and life again. The trust seems to be restored and he has forgiven us (and the cow) I think! and, I have my walking partner back again.

What lesson can I as a human learn from this?

To enjoy the simple things in life and to make the most of what I have got, not to wait till everything is perfect before I am happy. I may never reach the state of perfection.

Forgive, forget, move on.....Nibbles you make it look so easy, Why cant I be more like you?

2008-08-21T20:29:00.004+12:00

It has been another 5 months since my last entry. The kitchen is now complete and has been for a while, our visitors have come and gone and life was about to get back to normal when Nibbles our 8 year old boxer dog had an encounter with a cow, Yes, a real live cow on top of MT.Hobson, which is an extinct volcano very close to home and where Nibbles loves to go for walks and runs.

Nibbles had been very well behaved on that walk, keeping close to my husband and I, and avoiding the cows. At the sight of another dog on the same mountain we gave him permission to go and play with this dog and dear Nibbles instead of going straight to the dog decided to take a detour and go via the cow. He was bowled over by the cow who then just walked away leaving Nibbles to feel very sorry for himself. After checking to see that he had no obvious broken bones or external injuries we encouraged him to get up and walk, he was very reluctant to and we felt it was his pride that had been injured. We eventually got home and we noticed that he was unsteady on his feet and stumbling.It was then we realised that he maybe had a spinal cord injury.

To cut a long story short the next week was spent with vets, MRI scans , anaesthesia and surgery to his spinal cord. Nibbles did not want to be in hospital and it broke our hearts every time we went to visit and later had to leave to just see him retract back into his shell. If only we could explain that this was an attempt to fix him! He not only lost a lot of weight, his tail wag disappeared and his normally happy and boistrous self has changed into a quiet, depressed dog.

Nibbles is now back home and is slowly returning to normal, he has not gained total control of his limbs yet and is slowly improving, stumbling less. His mental state though is going to take much longer than the physical side to heal. He is not sure whether he can trust us still, whether he is home to stay or will get taken away again. We can see it in his sad eyes which ask "Can I trust you ?"

How do we explain to our beloved pet that he is so loved and we are there to look after him no matter what? How do we regain his trust again?

Our only hope is that time will heal the emotional wounds too.

I am back

2008-03-03T13:17:00.002+13:00

Hello everyone,

After not blogging for over 5 months, I am back!! Where have the last 5 months gone? I am not quite sure. It all started with our decision to put in a new kitchen into our house and to renovate the rest of the room into a living area which would support our families needs better than the current one. It all seemed fairly easy at the start after all people do this all the time ?? Here I am 5 months later and am still waiting for the final touches to the kitchen and the painting etc....

Now, I believe that in every life experience there is a lesson to be learnt and the lesson will carry on being repeated until it is learnt.

So, What is my lesson here? Well, I realised for a start that my life has up to now being full of assumptions which have somehow excaped challenge.

I have always assumed that I could not live without my kitchen and laundry appliances until the day arrived that I had to live without my dishwasher, washing machine etc and after bitching and moaning about it I decided it was easier to accept what was and go with the flow, It became easier and easier everyday to live without these things.

Another assumption that was tested was my belief that I had to plan meals ahead, be organised with grocery lists and always have an answer when my husband or daughter asked "What's for dinner? " I have learnt that it can be good fun planning a meal on the spur of the moment and involving other family members in the decision, it is quite liberating to realise that responsibility for meals did not rest only with me. I have also learnt that we can have tasty and nutritious meals without a pantry full of food to choose from, And also, Life is simpler and easier if I go with the flow rather than fight it.

What assumptions do you have in your life ?

Are you willing to start challenging them?

I encourage you to start with the easiest one and as you get the feeling of freedom that comes with the realisation that what you have always believed is not cast in stone, is only an assumption and can be changed, then tackle the more difficult ones.

Care or overcare?

2007-09-23T18:21:00.000+12:00

The other day my teenage daughter asked me if we would allow her to go skiing for a few days next week with a school friend and her family. My initial reaction was NO! I did not think it was a good idea, all sorts of injuries and negative thoughts entered my head and of course I would miss her too much! So it was better she stayed home with us.

My husband listening to our conversation stopped my thoughts in their track when he asked WHY NOT? Well, as much as I tried to find an answer I realised that I could find no logical reason and had to admit that if we spoke to the friends parents and were happy with the arrangements then we could allow her to go.

What do i owe my initial reaction to? I CARE about my child and want to protect her and want to make sure nothing bad happens to her.

That same day I received an email from "Heartmath" once again the universe responding to my needs. According to "Heartmath" care is a good thing, however if you look at the meaning of care in the dictionary it talks about a state of mind in which one is troubled, worry, anxiety or concern. I suppose it makes sense, How often do you worry about something or someone you do not care about?

"If what you care about is causing you stress then it could be that you have crossed the line from care to overcare!" WOW! This is exactly what has happened to me in this situation!

"We have all been at the receiving end of overcare, writes Heartmath, the overbearing parent who do what they do because they say, and believe, that they care.In actual fact this care has been taken to extremes and turned into overcare. Overcaring is a huge drain on all concerned and one of the most common sources of stress." And overcaring can lead to burnout, where we stop caring altogether.

What tips does "Heartmath" have for us:

Get back to balanced care. Ask yourself the question "What would be a more efficient attitude or action that would reduce my stress and get me back to balanced care?"

Thank you Heartmath, you must have had me in mind when you wrote that article

2007-08-04T11:29:00.000+12:00

I was asked to do a short teaching session for a small group of doctors(MD) already qualified and well on their way to getting their specialist qualifications.

I decided to deviate from the usual medical teaching that they get throughout their training but rather try to introduce them to new ideas and skills which may help them in life, so, I surprised them with a talk on managing stress , preventing burnout, self-awareness, thought awareness....and so on.

The initial reaction I got was one of cynism, What stress? AH We thrive on it! We perform better when we are stressed! Well yes, that is true up to a point, I had to agree. However when one looks at the stress/performance graph which shows that as stress increases, performance increases until you get to the peak and then it is downhill from there.

We went onto discussing stress preventing strategies and I tried to point out that a lot of stress is caused by our interpretation and judgement of events rather than the actual event itself, and, therefore, by changing our thinking and interpretation of events we can dramatically reduce our stress levels. "That is too simplistic" one of the members of the group called out, once again, disbelief and cynism. Well yes, it does sound rather simple but try it and see!

I went onto mentioning techniques to cut off the stress response once it had been activated and deep breathing and meditation were mentioned. "Do you do these things?"
one of them asked me, with a look of amazement on her face. She was even more amazed when I said yes, I take a few minutes time out on a busy day or night and clear my head, take some deep breaths and feel renewed. At this stage I got the feeling that they thought I am a bit strange, but yet, they work with me, know me, they are aware that I have a very well balanced life, so somehow the pieces did not fit.

I felt it necessary also to mention the concept of self-care as doctors generally are very good at looking after others but not so good at being "selfish" and taking care of their own needs, Here too, the feeling was that this was too "touchy-feely" and "we are not wimps" .

It was only when I pulled out articles that had appeared in the last couple of years in the medical literature with statistics on the prevalence of stress and burnout, the severe consequences it may have that I felt I now had their attention and that maybe what I had to say was not totally absurd, and that maybe they should give their lives some thought.

Now, on my side, How do I feel about this session ? Well, I have a high level of self confidence and I certainly do not let the fact that a few people think I have simplistic ideas about life worry me. Through my coaching I have reached a point of awareness which others have not had the opportunity to reach. The simple things like taking deep breaths and challenging negative thoughts which may rent some space in my head, works for me, seems to work for my coaching clients at present, so, Why should I give it up?

I do not think I have converted the group, it was never my intention to. What I am hoping though is to have just planted a tiny seed which may germinate in time, if this tiny seed can prevent one life, one career from burning out, then, yes, I have achieved something.

THE MYTHS OF LIFE

2007-06-26T16:29:00.000+12:00

I have just read a book by Clare Mann, " The Myths of life and the choices we have" which has given me a lot of food for thought.

By "MYTHS" Clare means the big assumptions in life which we accept and do not question. Here are the eight myths:

1.IDENTITY MYTH- You should be someone other than the person who you want to be.

2.SELFISHNESS - You are selfish if you put your needs before those of others.

3.GROUP MYTH -It is better to be part of a group than to be an individual.

4.COMMITMENT -You cannot change certain things in your life once you have committed to them.eg marriage and career.

5.CERTAINTY You can reach a point whereby you can be certain for all times in the rightness of your decisions.

6.MORALITY You should follow a moral code decreed by others.

7.DISHONESTY It is preferable to be discreet and embroider the truth than to be honest.

8.CHANGE. You are fixed and consistent and earlier changes negate future change.

Each of these assumptions impinge on our everyday lives and limit our choices.

The two central themes underlying these myths are FREEDOM and CHOICE and are based on existential philosophy.

In the book, Clare, looks at each myth in detail and asks relevant questions in order to test these assumptions, and there are practical exercises which one can do.

2007-06-19T12:52:00.000+12:00

It is that time of year again for me. Decision whether to run the Auckland Marathon again this year or not? For the last 3 years, every year I have trained faithfully for about four months, my body and my mind to withstand the physical and mental pain that running 42,2 km inflicts on me. After the first time, I just accepted the fact that I would do this every year without question. Now, that was before I got into coaching.
The process of life coaching encourages one to not just accept things but rather to question our habits, the reason we do things, especially things we do over and over again, and, why we may not do other things even though our intentions may be good.

I looked at what the decision to run again this year would mean for me...long hours of lonely time spent on the roads, less time to spend with my family, the little time I would spend with my family I would be physically tired. I would also have less time for coaching classes and to coach. I then looked at the reasons that I had in the past for wanting to run a marathon.

The first time, I wanted to run a marathon before the age of fifty, The next year was to better my time and the third year was just habit. I realised that my reasons for repeating it this year were no longer valid and that I should give it a miss.

A decision that I thought would be hard to make, suddenly became easy.

Have you reviewed your life lately? Are there things you do over and over again without questioning? Are there structures that you have present in your life that may have supported you in the past but no longer serve you? Are you prepared to let them go in favour of new supporting structrures?

gratitude

2007-05-02T09:37:00.000+12:00

It is hockey season again and while my daughter had to be at training early morning before school, I decided to take the opportunity to go for a run before dawn. this is a very special time of day for a runner, the sun is not up yet, there is no traffic, there is a sense of quiet and peace, occasionally you meet another soul, everyone else is still asleep,even the birds. The atmosphere is almost surreal.

It is autumn here at the moment, and the roads are all paved with autumn colored leaves, the weather is cool but not cold, in other words ideal running conditions.

While enjoying the beautiful colors of the trees and the changing sky with dawn breaking, it occurred to me how lucky I was. I started making a mental list of all the good things in my life and with each step I took the list got longer and longer. At one stage I tried to think of the complaints I had and could not come up with any. Strange, I, like everyone else like to have a BMW (bitch, moan and whine)occasionally, but somehow all my mind could focus on at this stage were the good things. mmmm Maybe it is true that what you focus on expands, So if you focus on good things eventually the list expands and there is no place left for the complaints!

How good are you at noticing the good things in your life?

Are you able to make a list and add to that list on a daily basis?

I challenge you to do the exercise for a week and then take some "quiet" time to reflect and celebrate the life of abundance that you have.

A Sad Day Indeed!

2007-04-25T16:37:00.000+12:00

Yesterday was a very sad day for me, I had my last session with Rachel my awesome peer coach. My relationship with Rachel goes back at least 5 months, when I started my sessions with her, me having recently joined ICA, and, not quite knowing what to expect. It has been an incredible 5 months, full of self-discovery, fun, great to know that whatever happened during the week I had someone to bounce it off, and no matter what happened I knew that I would always feel better after our chat.

Rachel's final summary to me made me realise how far I have come both in self-growth and in ICA studies. Whenever I lacked motivation, or put things off I would imagine Rachel asking me whether I had done what I said I would and that would inevitably move me into action.

Thank you, Rachel for creating a huge safe space for me to come to every week. I will certainly miss our sessions.

Self -soothing techniques

2007-04-19T11:24:00.000+12:00

Todays class with Angela, after some of us had shared our peer coaching experiences, took an unexpected and very welcome turn for me. Somebody mentioned crying in a coaching session and from then on the rest of the session explored the meaning of "crying". I found out that some of us cry very easily and at anything, we are not looking for attention, and want to be left alone. Some of us feel uneasy in the presence of a crying client, while some will allow the client space to cry, and not get involved.

Crying, in itself can be seen as a healing technique. It is often used by children. They hurt themselves, they cry, they feel better. The best thing a parent can do is to allow the child to cry and thus learn to soothe themselves, without resorting to other people and things eg. food to "heal" them.

Self- soothing techniques are very important, by applying them, one is able to take care of oneself any place, any time.

Some of the techniques we mentioned, apart from crying, are: Laughing, Withdrawing, Sulking, Eating and as nobody else had mentioned exercise, I thought I had better mention it.

How do I self-soothe? Well, I cry, and I run, and sometimes I combine the two. Now while I have been doing this for years, and without fail, feel that the world is a better place afterwards, I have never thought of it as a "healing technique" Thank you, Angela!

I would like to invite you to reflect on the questions below:

Do you self-soothe? or do you need someone else to make things better?

How do you self-soothe?

Is that the best way? or is there a better way?

2007-04-18T20:04:00.000+12:00

Shortly after my last post this quote by Nelson Mandela found its way into my inbox.
How appropriate and at the right time :

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us...And, as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give permission to other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Business building module

2007-04-12T20:52:00.000+12:00

I have almost completed Foundation coach, advanced 1, and power tools in ICA classes and for a while I have been telling myself that I need to start the business building module classes. I have looked at the calendar and noted dates and times and taken time off to do the classes, and as the time of the class gets closer I inevitably find some excuse to not attend. I am too tired, I would rather do the Life Coaching CoP with Bill Turpin which happens to be at the same time, and so forth. Initially I believed my own excuses but it has happened too often now for it to be coincidence, so I have to ask myself the question:
"What is holding me back?"
I am not quite sure I know the answer, What do I fear? Is it success?

The same feeling seems to have creeped up with building a website.I have registered a domain name "Perfectbalance4life.com" and have had it parked free for a while. I feel that something is holding me back from advertising my services on the net.
Is it that maybe I may become too busy and that my life which feels "perfectly balanced"at the moment may become unbalanced and I may have to make some difficult decisions to get it back on track mmm I wonder! Or......Is it that the idea of "Selling your coaching" just does not resonate with me?

" Reconditioned" All Black

2007-03-26T20:14:00.000+12:00

My apologies for rugby talk on a coaching blog. I live in New Zealand and our national rugby team is the almighty All Blacks!!

In the last week I have been amused many times while listening to the news on TV and hearing about the "reconditioned" ALL BLACKS. I have asked friends and family as to what that means, and, not satisfied with the answers I have been getting, I resorted to the dictionary to look at the meaning of "reconditioned".

"Reconditioned" means to "make useful again", Wow!! How do you make so many guys "useful again"? Were they ever not useful? and in what way? I wonder.

Was life coaching part of the "reconditioning" process??

Value

2007-03-25T11:48:00.000+12:00

What is "value" in coaching ? The oxford dictionary explains it as the "worth", the "desirability", also the "ability of something to serve a purpose or cause an effect".

How do I know that I am giving "value" to my clients? and how do I quantify it? At times it seems easy, goals are set, structures and action plans are put into place, the goal is achieved and everyone feels good. Other times, when all I do is listen, listen some more, release any agenda, any judgement that I may have and ask a few questions, Have I provided any value?
And who gets to decide whether I have provided value or not, me or the client?

Responding Vs Reacting

2007-03-15T17:35:00.000+13:00

In yet another of Bill's magnificent class today we discussed responding vs reacting, What is the difference?

Well, reacting is normal for humans, it is automatic, off the cuff, knee-jerk,it is based on anxiety and fear, assumptions and judgement play a big role in reacting. Responding on the other hand is the opposite. It happens when one has suspended judgement, is fully conscious and is prepared to listen. To respond, according to Bill, is to engage the brain before engaging the mouth!! I like that and I shall remember that next time my mouth opens.

So, it appears that responding is good and reacting is all bad, or is it? Are there good reactions? of course, happy reactions, joy, laughter,celebrations, and, let us not forget the emergency situations where quick rections become necessary.

How do we convert a possible reaction to a response:
1.A deep breath, may be all that is necessary to give you the space.
2.Silence
3.Recognize that we are human and have compassion on ourselves.

Perfect balance

2007-03-08T20:45:00.000+13:00

I decided to name my coaching practice "Perfect Balance" a while ago as I felt I had achieved that enviable state of inner peace and perfect balance. I felt at peace with myself and the world, and I wanted to help others do the same.

Nothing major has changed in my life in the past couple of weeks and yet I feel that the pendulum keeps swinging back and forth from the point of balance. Why is that? I am still the same person, my life circumstances are still the same, I still have the same loving family then why do I feel like my life is out of kilter? And, more important how do I bring balance back again, as I am not happy in this state.

I tried to analyse the reasons why, and I realised that an insidious process had started taking place. I had had a few extra night calls in anaesthesia, this led to me feeling tired due to lack of sleep, I stopped running and exercising as I was too tired, this then started a vicious cycle of tiredness, comfort eating and grumpiness, and while nothing major had occurred my whole life had changed in 2 weeks and I did not like the change. What I find amazing is that I went from "perfect balance" to loss of control in a short time and without realising it!

After a discussion with Rachel(my wonderful peer coach) today I decided to put an action plan into place to regain my equilibrium and yes, you have guessed correctly, I will start running again and everything else will fall into place.

Creation and re-creation

2007-03-03T11:30:00.000+13:00

"You create all your life circumstances, whether consciously or unconsciously" says Merci in this mornings class. Thank you Merci, I love how you share your life and coaching experience with us.

Now why do I love this statement so much? Well, if I am responsible for creating my life circumstances then surely, If I do not like what I have created I can re-create!!

Is this an AHA or what?

What a powerful perspective.

Personal Crisis - Friend or Coach??

2007-02-25T10:40:00.000+13:00

I have a client at present who is in the midst of a personal crisis, so the focus of our conversations have shifted from creating the ideal life to making sense out of what she is going through.

When I first heard about it I felt overwhelmed, I offered her my unconditional support and suggested that if she felt coaching was not appropriate I was okay with the idea that she may want to see a counsellor and we could continue coaching when she felt ready.
She asked for some time to think about it, and later came to me with her decision. Yes, she was going see a counsellor, however, she "wanted to run some things past me first"
We have had three conversations since. Each time, I LISTENED fully, I MIRRORED back to her what I had heard her say, I AKNOWLEDGED her for her efforts so far and for what she had achieved in her life, I created a SAFE SPACE for her to vent her feelings.
I did not use any fancy techniques, tools etc, nothing but the most basic coaching principles. I started having my doubts as to whether this was of any use to her,whether a friend would have been just as good.
Yesterday, she sat down with me and said: "I hope you realise just how good this coaching has been for me" When I asked her to tell me in what way it helped, she mentioned things like " You dO not take sides, you do not tell me what to do, you make me feel good about myself"

Thank you!! I really needed to hear this.

Ready to coach??

2007-02-19T13:45:00.000+13:00

the question of whether one feels ready to coach came up the other day in our career CoP class and it is one that I can identify with. How will I know when I am ready? Will I ever be ready? or will I always feel that I will have to wait till I know more, practised more etc? and how can I practise more if I dont coach?

A couple of days ago on one of my runs I had what felt like an AHA moment. Is my running perfect- NO, Will it ever be perfect? OF course NOT, I still keep reading running mags for inspiration and for tips on improving, form, efficiency, etc.
In the meantime I have been running for 15 years or so, I have taken part in many races,distances from 10 km to Half-marathons and now in the last 3 years I have run and successfully completed 3 full marathons in respectable time and without injury.I have also along the way motivated friends and collegues to do the same. And I have enjoyed it all.

It is quite obvious to see what would have happened had I waited till I could run perfectly, and I knew all there is to know about running.

I WOULD STILL BE WAITING FOR THE PERFECT TIME!!

In the meantime I would have missed out on so much, my "chatterbox" carried on talking and tried to answer the question: Will I ever feel that I know it all?
Well, hopefully not, being in the STATE of knowing it all is a DANGEROUS place to be, as, when you know it all there is nothing more to learn and STAGNATION sets in.

So I guess I have to be happy with not knowing it all,coach in the meantime, and be honest with myself and my client to say "I don't know, let's see what we can come up with together" and maintain my thirst for more learning alive.

Any comments from coaches or clients are very welcome.

to run or not to run?

2007-02-11T10:19:00.000+13:00

I am feeling rather lazy this Sunday morning, I know I should go for a run as I definitely need one, however I am using all the delay tactics avaliable to me. My daughter who loves shopping is here with me and I suggested we go and do some retail therapy instead. Her response surprized me: "How are you feeling now?" she asks me, "Oh, lethargic, sluggish" is my response. "Well, How will you feel after your run?" she asks me? "I will feel at peace with myself and happier". So, Why are you delaying the feeling of happiness? Why dont you run first and you can take me shopping later? mmm.... Stephanie is no life coach and she is 14 years old, maybe she just knows me too well!

I guess I will have to run and take her shopping later.

Effective feedback

2007-02-10T16:54:00.000+13:00

The class this morning stimulated a lively discussion on the board, and it sounds as if most people get defensive when receiving feedback.

Why is that?? After all feedback is meant to be non-judgemental, non-degrading,neutral and objective. So why are most of us wary of feedback? Is it because the person giving the feedback lacks the necessary verbal skills and we are scared it is going to hurt us? or is it because in the past the feedback we have been given was actually "criticism" in disguise and was only given when something did not go according to plan?

I must admit when someone asks me "May I give you some feedback?" my gut instinct immediately is "what did I do wrong? I have to consciously step back and remind myself that the CHOICE is MINE as to whether I accept it, reject it or ask for further clarification.

What makes for good feedback?

1.Given at the right TIME.

2.Appropriate language is used

3.Not degrading

4.It is non-judgemental, no opinion is voiced, and not critical

5.There is an appropriate strategy to work on things, and an answer to the question "Where to from here?"

Writers Block??

2007-02-05T14:54:00.000+13:00

I have just returned from a 2 week laid-back beach holiday, the weather was excellent, the sun shone everyday and the views of the ocean and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks below the house made me believe that I was waking up in paradise each morning. We were so relaxed that the biggest decisions we had to make were how would we spend the day? what to eat and where? We also had no internet so laptops got left behind and the family had to resort to ordinary old fashioned communication. What a pleasure!! we totally chilled.

Coming back I thought I would be full of blogging ideas and I am a little disappointed to find that my mental and physical relaxation has not translated into increased creativity, I have been staring at this blog for three days and could not come up with anything to write until a suggestion from my peer coach today that I blog about the holiday. Thanks, Rachel, Why do I think this is so? Is it the old FEAR of being JUDGED by people reading the blog, my writing is not good enough? Am I providing VALUE to others?

I am not quite sure what the answer is but it is certainly a disconcerting feeling which hopefully I will be able to work through as my thoughts get into a coaching mood again.

todays class

2007-01-19T14:34:00.000+13:00

In the UAC Part 1 class today, Angela mentioned some things which I found rather interesting. What is it that holds us back when we would like to do something?
Well, "FEAR OF JUDGEMENT" is what holds us back! How true. We are scared of being judged by others so we would rather not attempt something. Also, according to Angela when you stop judging yourself, you find it easier to stop judging others and that giving up "judgement" is like giving up any other habit, like smoking.
You make a conscious decision to give it up and go for it!

Well that has certainly given me something to chew on for the next couple of weeks!

My Safe Space

2007-01-16T17:21:00.000+13:00

I attended a very moving coaching practicum this morning and one of the things that stood out for me was the coach asking the client "Do you have a safe space to go to when the situation gets overwhelming?" What a great question! It got me thinking about my life Where is my safe space? Running, the act of putting one foot in front of the other, mile after mile, That is my safe space.

As you see it is not an area or a physical space,(as I once thought), that one goes to, although it could be, but rather a routine or act that one carries out on a regular basis that destresses you and renews your faith in life.

What a beautiful concept!

Do you have a safe space?

blogging

2007-01-11T08:26:00.000+13:00

When ICA came out with the requirement that we had to have a blog I initially had mixed feelings. I love the idea of a reflective journal, but I always thought that it was private, for my eyes only. The idea of baring my soul on the internet scared me, How could I put my thoughts and feelings where anyone in the world would be able to see them? then it occurred to me that why would anyone else even want to read what I had written? I am after all a doctor not a talented writer and for many years my writing has been limited to medical letters, and emails to friends, so as you can see I had a few issues to sort out.

I am happy to say that after a chat with my peer coach, I decided there and then to take the step and with the help of my daughter started a blog that same evening.Once I had taken the first step the rest just followed and I am now finding it getting easier everyday. I still do think each time before I write: Is this going to interest anyone else? will it be of value to anyone else?

Maybe I should re-frame those thoughts??

Any ideas ?

"The Present" by Spencer Johnson MD

2007-01-06T14:12:00.000+13:00

I picked up this little book at my local bookstore, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It is easy to read and full of wise words on every single page. I like the idea of the present being a "tripod supporting a valuable camera,perfectly balanced by its three supporting legs: Living in the present, Learning from the past, and Planning for the future. Remove one leg and the tripod topples over. But supported by all three, it works and so will your life" I so love this idea!!

"When you balance your work and life on the tripod of The Present, The Past and The Future- you get a much clearer picture, and you can deal better with whatever comes along" I am going to remember that in future and use it to help me find solutions to problems that I may be confronted with.

The Power of a vision

2007-01-02T11:38:00.000+13:00

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a vision" Anonymous.

While looking through "The 7 habits of highly effective people" by Stephen Covey this morning I came across a piece of scrap paper, I opened it and found a couple of sentences in my own handwriting, which described the vision that I had for my life written in January 2001.

My husband, daughter and I were about to emigrate to New Zealand at that time from South Africa. It was our attempt to escape the senseless crime, which I too had been a victim of and was lucky to be alive.

I had forgotten about that piece of paper, and now six years later, while reading it, it struck me how all that I had envisioned had appeared in our lives,it accurately described what area, what house I wanted to live in and what school I wanted my daughter to attend, what friends we would have and how well we had settled. What I find amazing is that we had created this reality in the last six years while going about our daily lives without even thinking about it, let alone set goals and try to achieve them!

Do you have a vision for your life?
Have you written it down somewhere,or, communicated it to somebody?
Is it written in the present tense, as if it has already occurred?

I wish you everything your heart desires for 2007.

2006-12-30T14:05:00.000+13:00

The end of another year,mm... What have been the highlights of this year for me? Undoubtedly getting involved in coaching and joining ICA!! NO QUESTION THERE!

Why did I choose ICA and not another of the many organizations that all claim to be the best coach schools out? Well,after my decision to do formal coach training I started searching the internet for schools, after many agonizing months and lots of research I narrowed my choice down to three schools, all seemed pretty similar in what they offered, now how was I going to choose the one? I tried to use rational thought, I wrote things down and being medically trained I tried to use my "brain" to tell me which was the best.That was also no help, eventually, what did I do? I had only my "gut instinct" my intuition left to rely on. I did just that, and have found myself to be in a perfect place. What would my medical collegues think of me if they found out that I used my "gut feel" to make this important decision?

Medicine is sooh evidence-based nowadays that there is no place left for spontaneity nor feelings, and, when making medical decisions I look at all the evidence available, the statistics etc. I would sometimes like to be able to justify my decision because it just "felt" the right thing to do for my patient.?MMM....

What are your thoughts?

"cleansing run"

2006-12-26T16:26:00.000+13:00

The decision to run this morning was a difficult one. Part of me wanted to go, I needed the exercise especially after the excesses of the last couple of days. Part of me wanted to just carry on the laziness of the last few days, I will run again tomorrow. Anyhow, the logical side won and I went on what I call a "cleansing run".

At the start, my legs felt heavy and my body sluggish. The Christmas cake, champagne, chocolates were taking their revenge at me. As I am a solitary runner, I have nobody to chat to, I decided to play a mental game. For every kilometre that I ran, I chucked out part of the excesses and extra baggage that I was carrying.At about the 10th kilometre I was feeling significantly lighter and in a better frame of mind and well on my way home. After my shower I felt "cleansed" both inside and out.

I believe everyone should go on at least one run like this every year, and a good time to do it is at the end of one year and the beginning of another,when most of us reflect on the past year and look forward to a new year. My suggestion would be to take all the negative emotions such as, anger, fear,resentment,hate, the perceived failures, disappointments and tolerations with you at the start of the run.
Carry the weight on your back, feel the heaviness, feel how you are being dragged down. Then with each 100 metres or so, take each millstone, label it and throw it out, leave it on the side of the road, you have no use for it in 2007, feel how you lighten up with each kilometre.

Who knows you might even start running on a regular basis!!

May 2007 be a great year for all of us.

acknowledgement

2006-12-18T10:59:00.000+13:00

On my run this morning, I started thinking of all the good things that have happened to me this year, I don't know why, I suppose it is that time of year, the end of one year and the beginning of another that invites reflection and counting of blessings in one's life. The word "Acknowledgement" suddenly popped into my head, and, as soon as I got home I went to the ICA discussion board and looked at some of postings on the topic and what did I find? The questions we have been asked as ICA students range from "think of a time when you were acknowledged and how did it make you feel? "What are the benefits of acknowledging clients in coaching? "What difference would it make in your life if you were to get 50% more acknowledgement?"

The responses were all positive, we would all feel motivated, achieve more, etc.
The question I now ask myself: Here we have a very simple tool to use, it costs nothing, the benefits appear to be great, why do we not use it more? We do not have to be life coaches to acknowledge others, it is something we can all do easily,we can start by acknowledging those close to us, our spouses, our children, our friends and colleagues. Acknowledge your child for what he or she has achieved, at school, in sport, and elsewhere,instead of drawing attention to the things they may not have done as well in.

I would like to make a request(another ICA tool)to all reading this, During this holiday season, Let us acknowledge all who touch our lives, or who have done so in the past and let us note the difference.

I welcome comments and feedback.

2006-12-13T18:49:00.000+13:00

A question I am often asked is "What made you decide to do life coaching?" After all I am an experienced medical specialist, work full time, have a family and a fulfilling life outside of work. I have also asked myself the question many times, and I find the answers evolve as I get deeper into my ICA studies.

I have, in my opinion in the last couple of years managed to achieve a state of balance. I enjoy my work as an anaesthesiologist, I have a wonderful family and lots of fun-loving and positive friends. To add to all that I pound the pavements whenever I feel like it, and sometimes even when I dont feel like it, knowing that after my run the world is going to be better place.

So my life is perfect,or maybe not? I am noticing a certain amount of stress in some of my colleagues.Intelligent women who have chosen medicine as a career now not reaching their full potential as they are finding it hard to juggle family and work. Retiring doctors that have only a vacuum to look forward to.

I have always been interested in personal development,my bookcase was full of motivational and inspirational books, long before I was aware that coaching existed. I have also in the past done many courses, to learn to communicate better,improve my personal effectiveness and so forth. So I suppose all this together with my desire to work with and help people achieve a more fulfilling life progressed naturally to life coaching.

2006-12-08T22:14:00.000+13:00

I had an opportunity today to put into practice some of the coaching theory I have learnt about. I was in Wellington,(NZ) on a medical course today with five other colleagues and when we arrived at the airport for our scheduled 17.30 flight which was to take us back home to Auckland, we were advised that our flight had been delayed until further notice.

My initial reaction was of disbelief, then anger, how could they do this to us? I had left home at 6am that morning, had a very intensive course and now all I wanted was to get home on a Friday night and spend the evening with my family!!

I soon realised that I had a choice, I could spend the time waiting at the airport, feel angry and frustrated or I could "reframe" my perspective . I decided to try the latter, after all, no matter how angry I felt, I was not going to be able to influence the time of the flight.

All sorts of opportunities suddenly presented to me:
1. I can use the time to shop and buy my daughter Stephanie a gift, to celebrate the end of the school year and her excellent academic achievement. This would make her feel aknowledged and appreciated.

2. I can spend some of the time bonding with my colleagues, and get to know them better outside of work.

3. I have an opportunity where I can relax, reflect on the days events etc.

I became aware of the beauty of coaching, and how powerful it is ,one does not have to wait for big events to present themselves in life, it can work on ordinary everyday things and by simply changing your viewpoint, your attitude changes and wow!! you feel a whole lot better.

newbie blogger

2006-12-06T18:12:00.000+13:00

Hi My name is Anna, I am in the midst of formal life coach training with a wonderful company the "International Coach Academy" I am also a keen long distance runner hence the name of the blog.
It was a beautiful, sunny day in Auckland today (have not had many of those recently) so how else could I celebrate my life, my health, my family and friends than go for a run ? followed by a transformational conversation with my great peer coach Rachel. Thanks Rachel, you left me with a lot to think about for the next two weeks.

Why do I run? I ask myself this question often, and each time come up with different answers, sometimes I think I should just give up, other times I just feel so grateful that I am able to run and I suppose the answer for now is : I run because I can.